Three for the price of one.

It would appear that each of my Cullen male counterparts have deemed it necessary to bombard me with the rubbage they consider 'facts' or 'proof' of some negative aspect to my character. Ha! Little do they know that the oldest brother can knock them all down and back, three for the price of one.

-smirk-

I know Edward is probably groaning in agonized anticipation while scooting to the edge of his seat (ignoring Bella for once in his life all the while), Carlisle is slowly putting down his morning copy of the Peninsula Daily News and Emmett is pacing feet away from the desk while Rose sits there and reads this missive aloud so the big words don't slow him down in the process of learning what I'm about.

So why delay any longer?


Edward Anthony Masen Cullen

I didn't think I would have to resort to this level of immaturity. Still higher than that of Emmett, but still. You tossed Alice's name out too recklessly in your last blog post, insinuating that she would stoop low enough to kiss Emmett! Good God, man, she does have standards!

So. This video is a perfect depiction of what your life with Bella would be like in an alternate universe. I took some home footage and had to toy around with it to get the idea, so if it's not perfect... -shrug- Tough.




Emmett McCarty Cullen

-narrows eyes-
Oh, brother, what I have to say about you. Alice didn't like your video you put up last night- in fact, she threw her four hundred and sixteen dollar Gucci black patent metallic leather bamboo detail pumps at my head. Individually. One right after another so I was only thinking I had to duck from one.

Thanks man, thanks a million.

Good thing I have plenty of ammo for the war we wage.

Remember when Rose got so mad that you careened her red BMW convertible into a tree while we were drag racing? Then for a week after you were only allowed to touch one motorized machine in the garage.

I made sure to take at least a picture to capture the moment.




Doctor Carlisle Cullen

Tsk, tsk. Didn't think I forgot about the good doctor, now did you? Of course not. It's in bad form to pay favoritism. You taught me that.

You haven't tried attacking me with a blog post yet, but in due time it's only to be suspected. Consider this a tactical move on my part.

I can't apologize for stealing one of Esme's private photos though. She should stop hiding them in the cookie jar! For two reasons; one, you really are not her sugar daddy. Two, just because we don't have use for the kitchen, doesn't mean we don't go in there!





And there you have it. Three for the price of one.

Scandal in the Cullen Household?

Uh oh. Payback is going to come back and bite my brother in the arse, now isn't it? He shouldn't have said what he did about Alice a few days ago, and how my credit cards should have burn marks on them from her swiping through the machines so much. Lies. Abominable lies.

So I was scanning through pictures of the family on my late night wanderings (as if night had any real relevance in my life) and found an oddly fascinating photo that brought up a few questions in my mind.

1. Why doesn't Edward seem to notice how awkward the situation is?
2. Why is Bella so close to Emmett in the first place?
   

The answer to one is easy. Edward and his life is made of awkward. Also! He's doing that thing he considers 'cute' and is playing oblivious to those around him. Idiot.

The answer to two can vary on opinion. I vote that Bella and Emmett are secret lovers. Don't you think that's the answer that will have Edward more in a tiff? I sure hope so.